Title: “A Drop of the Irish”
EXT. ARTHUR’S CAR LOT – DAY
Arthur is pacing around the car lot, looking worried. Terry approaches, carrying a box of suspicious-looking champagne bottles.
TERRY
Oi, Arthur, what’s got you so ruffled this morning?
ARTHUR
Terry, me old mate, I’ve got a bit of a problem. You know those bottles of Irish champagne I acquired last week?
TERRY
Yeah, the ones that taste more like vinegar than champagne?
ARTHUR
That’s the ones. Well, I’ve managed to find a buyer. A gang of Polish blokes. They don’t know a thing about champagne, but they’re ready to pay top dollar for it. We just have to figure out how to convince them it’s the real deal.
TERRY
Right. And I suppose I’m gonna be the one to play salesman, am I?
ARTHUR
Well, you do have the gift of the gab, Terry. Besides, you know I’d do it myself if it weren’t for my bad back.
TERRY
(sighs)
Fine. When do we meet these Polish fellas?
ARTHUR
Tonight, at the Winchester Club. Now, let’s get these bottles loaded up.
INT. WINCHESTER CLUB – NIGHT
Arthur and Terry enter the Winchester Club, carrying a box of the dubious Irish champagne. They spot the Polish gang sitting at a large table, laughing and drinking.
ARTHUR
(whispering)
Remember, Terry, make ’em believe it’s the finest champagne they’ll ever taste.
TERRY
(whispering)
Yeah, yeah. I got it.
Terry and Arthur approach the Polish gang, and Terry puts on his best salesman smile.
TERRY
Gentlemen, have we got a treat for you! This here is the finest Irish champagne you’ll ever have the pleasure of tasting.
POLISH GANG LEADER
(looking skeptical)
Irish champagne? We never heard of it.
ARTHUR
(chiming in)
Well, you see, that’s because it’s a well-kept secret. Only a select few get the privilege of experiencing this rare delight.
Terry opens a bottle and pours a small amount into a glass. He hands it to the Polish gang leader, who sniffs it cautiously.
POLISH GANG LEADER
It smells… different.
TERRY
That’s because it’s made from a secret blend of Irish grapes, picked by leprechauns under the light of a full moon. The result is a unique flavor that can’t be found anywhere else.
The Polish gang leader takes a small sip and grimaces, clearly not impressed with the taste.
POLISH GANG LEADER
This tastes like…
TERRY
(cutting him off)
…a drop of liquid gold, right? It’s an acquired taste, but once you’ve tried it, nothing else will compare.
The Polish gang leader hesitates for a moment, then nods.
POLISH GANG LEADER
Alright. We’ll take the lot. But if we find out this is not the real deal, you’ll answer to us.
ARTHUR
(looking nervous)
You have our word, gentlemen.
The Polish gang agrees to buy the entire stock of the so-called Irish champagne. Arthur and Terry leave the Winchester Club, relieved.
EXT. WINCHESTER CLUB – NIGHT
Arthur and Terry walk away from the club, both looking relieved.
TERRY
That was a close one, Arthur.
ARTHUR
Too right, Terry. But we pulled it off. I knew I could count on you.
TERRY
Yeah, well, next time you get your hands on some dodgy booze, leave me out of it, alright?
ARTHUR
(laughing)
Alright, Terry, alright. But you have to admit, there’s never a dull moment around here.
TERRY
(smiling)
Yeah, I’ll give you that, Arthur. I’ll give you that.
As Arthur and Terry walk away, they share a laugh, grateful to have pulled off another one of their dubious schemes. Little do they know, this won’t be the last time they’ll have to use their wit and charm to stay one step ahead of trouble.
FADE OUT.
In the next episode, Arthur and Terry’s misadventures continue as they try to unload a shipment of counterfeit designer shoes before the law – or their unsatisfied customers – catch up with them.